When you hear the word “BOYFRIEND”, what
comes to your mind? One S.S.2 student said she thinks of ‘being emotionally
attached to a guy’. Having a boyfriend means different things to different
girls. The truth is that we need not shy away from discussing how we feel
especially now that our bodies are beginning to change – the breasts are
developing, hairs grow under your armpit and pubic areas, menstruation and all.
A lot of girls are confused about the issue
of having a boyfriend, so we tend to share our feelings with our girlfriends
because daddy and mummy must not hear us talk about such. I recall the day I
brought home my boyfriend so that my dad may see him and discuss with him. I thought
this was right since I was in S.S.3 and we were about writing our S.S.C.E May/June.
He actually came in the company of his friends and I was truly proud of myself
knowing that he came from a good home like mine. It was a Friday. I noticed my
dad never said anything while they were around and even after they left. I
smelled something was wrong.
On Monday morning, while I sat to put on my
neatly polished school shoes, I heard my dad asking who took his shoe polish
without returning it. I said I did, thinking he’ll just take it and leave but
instead I saw him turn around and headed for the dreaded horse whip. He flogged
me so angrily that I knew it was not about the polish but the fact that I
brought a boy home at 14.
Did you say, Oh me! Why did I allow him to
come to my house? Well, my intentions were pure; I simply wanted my parents to
see my special friend and guide me through their wealth of experience, to
advice me and to ask the boy some questions in order to know his mind towards
me..laughs! That never happened and I’m sure you also can relate to that kind
of story.
So now, the crux of the matter is this, you
need to know what it is like to have a boyfriend, what roles you will be
playing, what you will be gaining and what you may be losing. Your parents may
not be around to tell you because they want you to face your studies and that’s
why I penned down 5 things you must consider before having a boyfriend. If you
consider them very well, you will not make mistakes.
1.
WHAT IS THE REASON FOR THE
RELATIONSHIP?
Having a relationship with
a boy is deep and the depth of it can drown any girl that is unprepared. A
secondary school level relationship can either make or mar your career and your
future. You therefore have to think critically before accepting any proposal
from the opposite sex. Ask yourself, what is my reason for having this
relationship? Here are some reasons why some girls go into relationships with
boys:
·
Because one or both of the
parents are not available to show you care and affection
·
Because daddy who is supposed
to be every daughters first ‘boyfriend’ never says “I love you my baby girl”
and girls constantly want to hear that.
·
Because many of their friends
are in a relationship
·
Because they just feel it’s the
right time to have one
If any of the
reason above is why you want a relationship, then you need to realize they are also
the reasons why many girls end up in awful relationships where they regret
their actions. For some, they realize this on time while for others, they stay
till it’s too late. This brings us to the next thing to consider which is…
2.
WILL IT AFFECT YOUR ACADEMIC
PERFORMANCE?
My dear, the truth is that
you cannot serve two masters at the same time, neither can you eat your cake
and have it. I tried it while I was in school and I did not have the impressive
WAEC result that I dreamt of in J.S.1. This was because most times when I was
reading, half of my mind was in the room while the remaining half was thinking
about the boyfriend- how he said ‘I love you’, ‘You are looking beautiful today
my angel’, ‘I miss you like crazy’, ‘I couldn’t sleep last night, I was just
thinking of my queen’. The list was endless, and like I shared with some girls
at the University of Lagos, where I asked them to show me just one girl who
maintains a CGPA of 4.95 and has a boyfriend. Everyone was quiet because they
couldn’t find any. It’s the same with you now. I ask you to look round your
school to see if there’s any girl who has A’s in all her subjects and has a
steady boyfriend. So please consider this once again: will having a boyfriend
help me achieve better results academically?
3.
ARE YOUR FRIENDS PRESSURING YOU
INTO IT?
Show me your friends and I
will tell you who you are. For me now, I don’t let people chose me as friend, I
chose them myself because I’m conscious of where I’m coming from and where I’m
going to. If your friends are the type that all they ever discuss is party,
boys, sex, money, fashion, etc., then you are in bad company. Do you know that
you and your friends will not always be friends forever? So why allow them
decide your future when they may not be in it? I still recall how three of my
friends in the secondary school pressured me into having a relationship with a
boy that was tripping for me and was buying them goodies during break times.
They encouraged me to go ahead and that nothing will happen, like they got my
back. I rushed in ignorantly and rushed out regretfully. Today, I can’t find
those three girls, even on facebook. So check yourself: are you going into a
relationship because you seem to be the only one who does not have a boyfriend?
Or because your friends think it’s cool?
4.
ARE YOU READY FOR TEENAGE
PREGNANCY?
‘What is the essence of a
relationship without sex? That was the remark of an S.S.1 boy on my street when
his classmate who was also his girlfriend refused to have ‘it’ with him. The
girl was broken-hearted. She wanted a relationship with this boy but not to the
extent of having sex because according to her, she wants to keep her virginity
till her wedding night. At first, the boy agreed but he later changed his mind.
He demanded for sex from her and threatened to break up with her if she refused. She refused and he stopped talking to her.
She became unhappy because her guardians were maltreating her and the boy had been
her consolation. She seriously began to re-consider her actions. She thought of
how he showed her love, care, affection and flooded her mind with sweet words
which she never heard at home. Before long, she re-united with the boy. She
needed love but the boy wanted sex. Then on Valentine’s day one thing led to
another and they found themselves alone in the house. The boy decided it was an
opportunity and she agreed they should just do ‘small’, meaning he should only
touch her. Touches graduated into other things and by the next month she was
pregnant. The boy denied ever having anything to do with her and right now she
carries a fatherless baby in her womb at 14. You may be interested in a
relationship for the right reasons but boys are only interested in
relationships because they want to explore.
The truth is, you
shouldn’t seek for love in wrong places because what you will get will be far
worse. Before you go into that relationship, think of the pros and cons, think
of what you want out of life and seek advice. So if you are not ready for
teenage pregnancy let’s take a look at the next thing to consider.
5.
ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY READY?
Your emotions play a key
role when it comes to having a relationship and that is why you have to be
emotionally ready and stable before having a boyfriend. The question is, at
what age are you emotionally ready? Some say it’s when you are 18years old but
I believe it is not a function of age but of how matured you are in your mind
to evaluate, analyse, criticize and understand people and your environment and
come out with positive results. At your present age, you cannot, I mean cannot
conceptualize and fully understand the nitty-gritty of what love is. Whatsoever
you rush into, you also rush out of. So why don’t you wait because
relationships can be emotionally draining and time consuming. It’s advisable
you maintain casual friendship with boys around you and that way you get to understand them and
learn from the mistakes of others without you getting involved emotionally.
This will keep you from heart breaks and from regrets.
REMEMBER,
You alone are to blame
when you get pregnant as a teenager
You alone are to blame
when you get pregnant and choose to abort
You alone are to blame
when you get pregnant as a teenager or adolescent and your parents decide to
kick you out of the house
You alone are to blame
when you get pregnant as a teenager or adolescent and the boy’s parents say
their son is too small to be a father
You alone are to blame
when you get pregnant as a teenager or adolescent and the boy’s parents say you
can’t stay with them
You alone are to blame
when you get pregnant as a teenager or adolescent and there’s no money for good
clothes, ante-natal drugs, good food/ fruits.
You alone are to blame
when you get pregnant as a teenager or adolescent and your friends laugh at you
which demoralizes you.
The choice is yours.
FACTS TO KNOW
1.
A boy grows and develops just
as you do
2.
Boys constantly learn new
techniques of attracting you by getting to know your soft spots which generally
can be:
Gifts such as recharge cards, ice-cream, chocolates,
suya, rose flowers, shawarma, etc.
Words of Admiration such as ‘I love you’, ‘Querida mia’,
‘my princess’, ‘my angel’, ‘I can do anything for you’, ‘No one will ever take
your place’, etc.
Show of Affection such as touching your hair, eyes, chin, holding
your hands, seductive hugs, eye contacts, telling his friends you are his
girlfriend, coming to you everyday during break time, etc.
All
these are your soft spots that any boy can begin to exploit. Learn them and be
ready when they start using them so that you are not caught unawares.
3.
When a boy says ‘I love you’ and
he is either in secondary school like you or in a tertiary institution, he
doesn’t mean it. Until he is ready and capable of giving you a ring, he is
joking with you and all he wants is your body and time.
4.
If you are not disciplined, you
are likely to be turned into a sex toy that is passed from one guy to another.
5.
Teenagers all over the world,
both male and female, want to explore their sexuality, more especially the boys
(He probably wants to experiment what daddy, uncle, friends or even men on the
television are doing with females. So he looks for a victim. Once he’s done
with the experiment, he changes and calls for a breakup.
6.
A great future lies ahead of
you no matter your current situation, family problems, background. Whether you
are assisting your mum at the market, eat only once a day, wear torn uniforms,
etc, it is all temporary. One day, you will look back and it will be a story.
Don’t waste your life by making wrong choices.
7.
When you think of boys or guys,
think SEX and BABIES. The question is are you ready for these?
Written by Olamipeju Lawal for THE GIRLS SHOW NIGERIA
